Who Can Tax the Highest?


Dave The-Tosser-Within Cameron promises eye-watering new aviation taxes if Blue Labour replaces Blair’s National Socialists

In Britain a wrestling match has begun between Blair’s national socialists and Blue Labour under Dave The-Tosser-Within Cameron over who can think of the highest taxes. National socialist Chancellor Brown is furious to find that Dave had beaten him to the punch with promises of swinging new aviation taxes.

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The Conservative Party, traditionally the Party of low taxation, small government, and competence, has been taken over by the Blue Labour faction led by Dave Cameron, leading to a war between Blair’s National Socialists and New Labour over how to increase taxation on a population that already works more days to pay the Government than it works for itself. The None-of-the-Above LibDems wait to see who comes up with the highest tax so that they can trump with a promise to impose much higher taxes if they ever become the balance in a hung Parliament.

All three Parties have seen Global Warming as an excuse to raid the taxpayers’ pockets in the name of Saving the Planet. As scientists increasing swing away from blaming human profligacy to identifying the Sun as the cause of climate change, these champions of high taxation will have to start thinking of new ways to rob citizens – perhaps a massive tax on sun glasses and beach wear.

Conservative Party proposals to impose taxes on aviation as a tool to curb emissions, have met with a chorus of opposition from the industry – and government. Opinion polls show the proposals as a massive vote loser. This could be the Clever-Dumb Balance at work with New Labour attempting to negate the rapid progress they have made in overtaking Blair’s National Socialists in the opinion polls.


In a barrage of publicity, Tory shadow Chancellor, George Osborne, has called for a change – realistically a hike – on fuel duty and/or charging VAT on domestic flights, replacing Air Passenger Duty (APD) with an emissions-based per-flight tax and introducing a ‘Green Miles Allowance’ aimed at frequent fliers.

‘Green Miles’ could have been a vote catcher – something the oil companies could offer with every litre of fuel burned. The sale of indulgences may replace conventional taxes because people can feel pious and expiate their ‘sins’ by buying a wad of indulgences.

The proposals have taken up swathes of British press pages, with some attacking the Conservatives as wishing to put a tax on fun, while others have described the Tories as “mad.”

“Our Greener Skies consultation sets out credible proposals for curbing the future growth of emissions from air transport,” said Osborne, adding: “This does not tax people out of their one foreign holiday a year, but instead focuses on dirtier aircraft and more frequent fliers.”


Blair and Brown already have a long track record for incompetence and over-taxation

Predictably, the Labour Party has struck back, raising the interesting question of whether or not airlines would simply import fuel from countries where tax is not levied – leading to heavier aircraft and more pollution.

Brown is furious that one of his forthcoming new taxes has been commandeered by Dave and George. If he now announces a similar tax he will be accused of jumping on a Blue Labour bandwagon.

“The Treasury continues to believe that the inclusion of aviation in the European Union Emissions Trading Scheme is the most efficient and cost-effective way to aid the aviation sector tackling climate change,” said a Treasury spokesperson.

“While this work continues, the government recognizes that domestic measures can play a role in tackling the environmental impact of aviation and from February this year, it increased Air Passenger Duty, saving the equivalent of 0.75m tonnes of carbon every year by 2011.”


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